Ballet and Divinity
I attended a fabulous, amateur Modern Dance Matinee the other afternoon with my kids. We loved it! I especially loved the music (there was a great song I think I've heard on the radio recently and some Scottish sounding tunes as well) and the freedom with which even some of the smaller dancers moved. As this was a matinee for school children, we also learned about "BEST" dancing - dancing that uses all of your Body, all of your Energy, all of your Space, and all of the space in the music or in the silence - in other words the Time. I wanted to pull those concepts into my classes with my younger students and free them even further to dance with all their souls.
When I reflected both on how much I enjoyed the performance AND on how different from ballet it was, I felt a new insight about ballet grow in my heart. What we saw in this modern dance performance was sweet self-expression. You could tell by the faces of the dancers, but also by the movements themselves, that dancing was a joy felt in the heart that radiated to the audience. But being the ballet lover I am, and bringing the ballet lovers I've raised to the show, we all couldn't help but want a bit more. So I wondered what it was I was missing, when what I had was the whole souls of the performers.
Certainly I don't expect LESS than the whole soul of a ballet dancer. But as I wondered what the "more" could be, and as I took in some of the amazing ballet clips you can view on youtube weeks later, I realized ballet IS more than self-expression, though it should never be less.
Ballet, it's grace, it's amazing beauty and finesse, moves beyond expressing one's soul and approaches (when done well) expressing the grace and divinity of God. No wonder it's technique is THE most challenging dance medium. And sometimes dancers get caught up in the technical challenge. But we don't look at a gorgeous sunset and ponder the components of light and atmosphere. We breathe in it's natural majesty and wish to make each moment linger and live forever in it's beauty. Amazing ballet does the same thing. We forget about the physical feat, or the laws of nature that seem to bend at the will of the dancer. We sit breathless, inspired, moved, and awed by glimpses of a beauty beyond what we might find in the expression of any one soul. We get a glimpse of God.
When I reflected both on how much I enjoyed the performance AND on how different from ballet it was, I felt a new insight about ballet grow in my heart. What we saw in this modern dance performance was sweet self-expression. You could tell by the faces of the dancers, but also by the movements themselves, that dancing was a joy felt in the heart that radiated to the audience. But being the ballet lover I am, and bringing the ballet lovers I've raised to the show, we all couldn't help but want a bit more. So I wondered what it was I was missing, when what I had was the whole souls of the performers.
Certainly I don't expect LESS than the whole soul of a ballet dancer. But as I wondered what the "more" could be, and as I took in some of the amazing ballet clips you can view on youtube weeks later, I realized ballet IS more than self-expression, though it should never be less.
Ballet, it's grace, it's amazing beauty and finesse, moves beyond expressing one's soul and approaches (when done well) expressing the grace and divinity of God. No wonder it's technique is THE most challenging dance medium. And sometimes dancers get caught up in the technical challenge. But we don't look at a gorgeous sunset and ponder the components of light and atmosphere. We breathe in it's natural majesty and wish to make each moment linger and live forever in it's beauty. Amazing ballet does the same thing. We forget about the physical feat, or the laws of nature that seem to bend at the will of the dancer. We sit breathless, inspired, moved, and awed by glimpses of a beauty beyond what we might find in the expression of any one soul. We get a glimpse of God.
My Review of Ballet West's Giselle
My two oldest children and I have been looking forward to seeing Giselle since we learned it would be part of Ballet West's season this year. I performed this ballet with the Hartford Ballet and have seen Ballet West perform it once shortly after I retired. Since that time, Ballet West has changed directors and in addition to the joy of seeing a great ballet, it's always interesting to get a new take on a classic.
When I had a chance to take in the casting for the evening, I was initially disappointed. I was aware of who was cast with the title role, and had a dancer I wanted to see, two I was curious to see, and one I didn't care to catch. We picked the night when she was dancing. Her name is Jacqueline Straughan. Her casting in this role surprised me, as I had formerly seen her only in more contemporary pieces where she seemed to be too angular for Giselle's supple grace, and too cold for Giselle's warmth.
I was pleasantly surprised, and impressed. She was lovely. Her feet were gorgeous, as they have always been, but her arms and style mastered the softness you hope for in such a sweet, innocent role. My favorite, however, in Act I was Christopher Sellars. He danced as Hillarion, Giselle's rejected love interest, and his dancing was up to the task, but his acting was spot on and drew the audience into the action.
I must say, however, the acting of the entire cast was far more engaged than Ballet West artists used to be, and I credit a director with a better eye for detail. Where the corps can stagnate into two diagonal lines passively participating in the action, this staging was a far more believable village who cared about the drama unfolding in the lives of one of their own.
On the down side, this version chopped the flow of the traditional score once too often for my taste. And I don't remember the music for one of Duke Albrecht's random solos, so I wonder where it was added from. I doubt most of the audience would have such a nit pick, BUT if it seemed to lag or get long, or seem a bit disjointed, I believe that is why. Thankfully they had an engaged corps de ballet who pulled it off.
Speaking of which, I liked that the Peasant Pas de Deux dancers were incorporated in the village dances before they randomly appear to dance for the royals. But I wasn't sold on turning the Peasant Pas de Deux into a Pas de Quatre. It did give the audience more to see, AND gave the ballet more featured roles. For me, however, it highlighted a lack in virtuosity that can carry the audiences attention. So, good move for Ballet West, given their dancers. But give me two amazing dancers over 4 nice ones any day.
I liked Hillarion's tambourine dance more than I expected I would. Sometimes Adam Sklute's additions of more dancing for the men seem forced and out of place, but this was lively (the scene needed a pick-me-up due to the flat Peasant Pas de Deux-turned-Quatre) and highlighted the talent of Chris Sellars' dancing and Hillarion's place in the village.
Finally in Act I, I had read reviews raving about the shift from Giselle's death by heart murmur to an "updated" death by suicide. Overall, the mad scene was perhaps Jacqueline's weakest part in the role. She seemed, at times, more inebriated than heart broken. However, in those moments, I found interesting conflict in the face of Allison DeBona who played Bathilde, Albrecht's fiancee. Again, the engagement of the supporting cast made up for weaknesses in the principle. As for the moment when Giselle took her own life, it felt awkward and too abrupt. I wonder if there was an issue getting the knife from Hillarion's sheath. Still, the action in Act I did manage to bring a few tears to my son's eyes, and I slightly misted, so we'l call that SUCCESS!
Unlike Act I, all the artistic tweaks of Act II seemed brilliant, starting with the Wilis - ghosts of girls who die before their wedding day - dancing in their veils. Traditionally they only appear wearing them, and it creates such a beautifully haunting vision, I was thrilled this version let it linger. This was also my FAVORITE Myrthe, Queen of the Wilis, ever! Not only did Emily Adams dance it beautifully, but the tweaks to choreography didn't leave her bogged down in heavy plies too long. And she actually ACTED the role, a welcome departure from the traditional flat, zombie interpretation.
Act II highlighted the able partnering skills of Adrian Fry as Albrecht. There were audible gasps from the audience as he lifted Giselle over his head and continued to enable Jaqueline's floating steps. The corps de ballet was fantastic and mesmerizing. The program's story line told of a change of heart Giselle has as the act progresses and she comes to forgiveness of Alrecht's deception. Jacqueline's interpretation did not make that change perceptible, but perhaps the story didn't need it. And I wanted more feeling from Albrecht as the curtain fell, but in the end, a confused and somewhat detached (or was it aloof?) young duke makes sense too.
On Teaching Grace, From a Former Professional Ballerina
There are many reasons to study ballet. I'm sure some little ones do because they have expressed an interest in dance generally, or ballet specifically. Others might be coming for an opportunity to meet other little girls and participate in a fun activity. I probably have a student or two who is not especially interested, but whose parents thought a broad exposure to all sorts of activities is a good idea.
All of these reasons work for me.
One mother shared that she hoped her daughter would learn grace. Grace is a lovely lesson for all women to learn. In fact, it's a wonderful trait for women AND men to possess, but somehow we are a little more tolerant of men if they fall short in this area. Anyway, her desire has given me pause to reflect on what she might be meaning by the word "grace," and if a ballet class will deliver....
Anyway, here are my thoughts:
All of these reasons work for me.
One mother shared that she hoped her daughter would learn grace. Grace is a lovely lesson for all women to learn. In fact, it's a wonderful trait for women AND men to possess, but somehow we are a little more tolerant of men if they fall short in this area. Anyway, her desire has given me pause to reflect on what she might be meaning by the word "grace," and if a ballet class will deliver....
Anyway, here are my thoughts:
Ballet is nice, but walking like a duck isn't so lovely....
Though some aspects of grace I learned from my own 21 years in ballet, ballet training is not what comes to mind when I think of the word.
Grace is smiling when you make a mistake.
Grace is confidence in the beauty you are, not the beauty you put on.
Grace comes with patience in your own learning process - a peace in the lack of perfection.
Grace is wearing your own skin comfortably - AND the attitude that allows others to be comfortable too.
Grace is added upon when you are kind to yourself in thought, action, and attitude.
There is a common misconception that dancers are not clumsy. Most of the dancers I know are aware that this IS the perception and find it terribly funny, as we are, in fact, some of the most accident-prone people we know. But ballet teaches good recovery. So when I trip on my own shoes crossing the street...THE street - the intersection of State and South Temple in downtown Salt Lake in rush hour traffic - I can jump back up, flash a smile to whomever caught the sight of me going down, and reflect on the great moment I just made in the day of some passerby. (True story. LOVE this memory.)
Grace isn't about how often you go down, but how you handle getting back up.
THAT is what I want to teach my daughters. That is what EVERY mother can teach her daughter, no matter her dance background. And if you are feeling a little short-changed on the natural gift of grace, every woman can begin the life-long practice, now and for free!
Biking, Ballet, and Homeschooling Muscles
On my way to ballet class, I was listening to my daughter and her friend discuss their newly acquired skill: bike riding. They talked about it seeming really difficult at first. It seemed to them that they needed to remember almost more than they could hold in their minds at once. They were worried about balancing, they needed to continue to pedal fast enough to stay up, AND they needed to steer.
When you teach children to ride a bike, you see how their focus shifts from one skill to the other. You want to tell them that someday they will do these things almost by instinct. And sometimes you do tell them that. My daughter struggled to believe this could be so - that riding a bike could seem as easy as getting dressed, something that takes no consideration of the mechanics involved, anymore.
My daughter and her friend agreed that now they have the hang of it, it seems easy, and a lot more fun. I told them this was like ballet. At first, it seems impossible to hold in one's mind the steps, plus all the how-to's like pulling up your stomach, lifting your chin, and keeping your knees straight and toes pointed. But with practice, the how-to's become habit and your mind is free to master harder and harder steps. And so while it is harder, it also becomes so much more fun. They liked this comparison. I think they felt a bit excited by the idea that dancing could feel as free as bike riding.
But, for what else is this principle true? Well, you've probably already guessed from this post's title that the same is true of homeschooling. Hooray!
At first, homeschooling seems like adding to the great juggling act of motherhood - adding educational needs to the balls you are already keeping in the air: a clean home, a stocked fridge, healthy meals, clean laundry, energy to be emotionally available, etc. etc. etc. It can feel like there really is too much to do and do any of it well. BUT, after a little practice, you find the groove. You find what works for you and your kids, and you and your kids together.
If you aren't to a moment of free elation yet, it will come. And then it will pass as you try the next step - try riding without holding on to the handle bars. But don't give up. The muscle memory for biking, for ballet, and for homeschooling takes time to build. But day by day you are building it. And please share on this blog that first excited moment when you let go and RIDE!
When you teach children to ride a bike, you see how their focus shifts from one skill to the other. You want to tell them that someday they will do these things almost by instinct. And sometimes you do tell them that. My daughter struggled to believe this could be so - that riding a bike could seem as easy as getting dressed, something that takes no consideration of the mechanics involved, anymore.
My daughter and her friend agreed that now they have the hang of it, it seems easy, and a lot more fun. I told them this was like ballet. At first, it seems impossible to hold in one's mind the steps, plus all the how-to's like pulling up your stomach, lifting your chin, and keeping your knees straight and toes pointed. But with practice, the how-to's become habit and your mind is free to master harder and harder steps. And so while it is harder, it also becomes so much more fun. They liked this comparison. I think they felt a bit excited by the idea that dancing could feel as free as bike riding.
But, for what else is this principle true? Well, you've probably already guessed from this post's title that the same is true of homeschooling. Hooray!
At first, homeschooling seems like adding to the great juggling act of motherhood - adding educational needs to the balls you are already keeping in the air: a clean home, a stocked fridge, healthy meals, clean laundry, energy to be emotionally available, etc. etc. etc. It can feel like there really is too much to do and do any of it well. BUT, after a little practice, you find the groove. You find what works for you and your kids, and you and your kids together.
If you aren't to a moment of free elation yet, it will come. And then it will pass as you try the next step - try riding without holding on to the handle bars. But don't give up. The muscle memory for biking, for ballet, and for homeschooling takes time to build. But day by day you are building it. And please share on this blog that first excited moment when you let go and RIDE!
What Ballet Taught Me About Finding Balance
Have you ever felt that there are simply not enough hours in the day to do all that needs to be done? Oh, am I feeling it now! I woke up earlier than the kids the other morning and had several thoughts: I need to exercise; I have a pile of laundry on my floor (moved from my bed last night) that needs folding; I'd like to blog. And those were just the demands of the few moments I had before kids got up and I was needed elsewhere in the house. How in the world does one balance it all - keeping life going by cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, schooling, and parenting, with all the extras like lessons, sports, me-time, working out, journaling, etc. etc. etc.?!?
My husband always laughs when I respond to any question with the statement, "That's a good question." He has come to know in our 13 years together, that phrase is code for "I don't know." And honestly, I don't know how to keep life in perfect balance all the time.
That bothered me for a while. And then, once again, as has happened so often in my life, I plumbed my ballet experiences and found principles that rang true and applied beyond the stage or dance studio.
I began with thinking about what balance meant to me as a dancer. The complexity of the idea related so well to finding balance in my life. After all, a dancer is not an infant merely trying to stand erect. A mother (or father) finding balance is more complex than a six year old balancing work and play. Dancers balance in all sorts of crazy positions - on their toes with one leg behind them, arms who knows where, and not even looking strait ahead. The position of the arms and legs are like the complexities of multiple people's schedules and a host of worthy priorities.
First lesson: When I feel out of balance, I can see myself as a dancer attempting to strike some seemingly-impossible pose. What we all have to juggle on a daily basis takes strength and practice! But the good news is, with strength and practice, it gets easier. And likely, for us and for the dancer, as we master one level of complexity, another will be added.
Next, I remembered those glorious moments of perfect balance while I was dancing. I felt suspended. Somewhere in the middle of holding my leg up and arms out while on the tiniest toe platform, everything found it's place and the moment of balance FELT effortless. After all, it's much easier to stand if you aren't falling, right? Remembering this about balance helped a lot too.
In life, my expectation of balance was that when if finally did become easier that it would BE effortless. I think that is a flawed expectation. If life is like ballet (and if life can be like football in so many movies, it can certainly be like ballet too!) than perfect balance happens after you work like crazy and even with a bit of luck, and then the dance moves on. It is a moment.
Could it be that finding balance in life also means balancing those moments of control, and controlling the moments of falling? I always felt this was so in ballet. We use, rather than resist, the forces around us as we dance. The best way to get up on your leg is to first let gravity take your weight all the way down. Perhaps a balanced life is not a life always lived in perfect balance, but a life full of perfectly balanced moments divided by the falls, lunges and leaps that make those moments of stillness, of perfect balance, so marvelous to be in and magical to behold.
So I don't know how to balance life perfectly. That is why I'm still asking how it is done, and feeling it's a GREAT question. I'm hoping that a life lived with purpose and intention in ALL the moments will be as breathtakingly beautiful as a full ballet and not just a pretty snap-shot.
My husband always laughs when I respond to any question with the statement, "That's a good question." He has come to know in our 13 years together, that phrase is code for "I don't know." And honestly, I don't know how to keep life in perfect balance all the time.
That bothered me for a while. And then, once again, as has happened so often in my life, I plumbed my ballet experiences and found principles that rang true and applied beyond the stage or dance studio.
I began with thinking about what balance meant to me as a dancer. The complexity of the idea related so well to finding balance in my life. After all, a dancer is not an infant merely trying to stand erect. A mother (or father) finding balance is more complex than a six year old balancing work and play. Dancers balance in all sorts of crazy positions - on their toes with one leg behind them, arms who knows where, and not even looking strait ahead. The position of the arms and legs are like the complexities of multiple people's schedules and a host of worthy priorities.
First lesson: When I feel out of balance, I can see myself as a dancer attempting to strike some seemingly-impossible pose. What we all have to juggle on a daily basis takes strength and practice! But the good news is, with strength and practice, it gets easier. And likely, for us and for the dancer, as we master one level of complexity, another will be added.
Next, I remembered those glorious moments of perfect balance while I was dancing. I felt suspended. Somewhere in the middle of holding my leg up and arms out while on the tiniest toe platform, everything found it's place and the moment of balance FELT effortless. After all, it's much easier to stand if you aren't falling, right? Remembering this about balance helped a lot too.
In life, my expectation of balance was that when if finally did become easier that it would BE effortless. I think that is a flawed expectation. If life is like ballet (and if life can be like football in so many movies, it can certainly be like ballet too!) than perfect balance happens after you work like crazy and even with a bit of luck, and then the dance moves on. It is a moment.
Could it be that finding balance in life also means balancing those moments of control, and controlling the moments of falling? I always felt this was so in ballet. We use, rather than resist, the forces around us as we dance. The best way to get up on your leg is to first let gravity take your weight all the way down. Perhaps a balanced life is not a life always lived in perfect balance, but a life full of perfectly balanced moments divided by the falls, lunges and leaps that make those moments of stillness, of perfect balance, so marvelous to be in and magical to behold.
So I don't know how to balance life perfectly. That is why I'm still asking how it is done, and feeling it's a GREAT question. I'm hoping that a life lived with purpose and intention in ALL the moments will be as breathtakingly beautiful as a full ballet and not just a pretty snap-shot.
Soul-Satisfying Success
As I've mentioned elsewhere on my blog, I was a ballerina in my life BC (before children). When you spend 20 years doing one thing, it's no wonder it works it's way deeply into your subconscious. I have learned a lot from my ballet dreams. I've learned how much I value being a mother. I've learned how our bodies facilitate and streamline learning. And I've learned about soul-satisfying success.
A few weeks back I dreamed I was performing a lead in some ballet. The performance had gone well and I was in my dressing room preparing to leave the theater as I listened to the last strains of the music. Suddenly it occurred to me that I'd forgotten to perform the coda - the last piece after a pas de deaux and solo. Though I rushed to the stage, I'd already removed my costume and make-up and there was no way I was making it back to finish what I'd left undone.
It's not unlikely that I dreamed this because I did, in fact, forget to appear for a finale in one performance. Thankfully, I was NOT dancing a leading role at that time. But the panic as I realized my mistake was real, and apparently lives on in my subconscious.
What happened next in my dream was instructive. The ballet was over. My bosses came on to the stage and I was officially in big trouble. Though I realized they had forgotten to teach me the ending to the ballet, I was the no-show performer who had let the audience down, and they were taking the part from me. I might have fought with them, or blamed them for their oversight. I might have lashed out at other dancers, who were standing gloating in the wings, for not reminding me and letting me prepare to leave. Instead, as the theater cleared, I labored to learn and perfect what I had never learned and what I would now never perform. Though my dream performance was done, though my dream role had been taken from me, I still wanted to finish it all, as well as I could. For my own sake. For my own inner peace. I realized when I woke up and processed the dream, that the determination I felt at the end was all about soul-satisfying success.
Soul-satisfying success is self-defined. It may not be to great heights. It isn't about a crowd or approval. It's about not giving up 'til we've done something as well as we care to do it, just for the satisfaction of knowing we can. We can pursue soul-satisfying success in all sorts of endeavors. More recently than ballet, I struck out at every at-bat I had filling in for a better player at a local soft-ball game. My team won anyway, but my satisfaction didn't come 'til I'd gone home after the game and drilled hitting til I could hit the ball. Winning didn't do it for me. Connecting with the ball, even after the moment to do any good for the team had passed, did.
I love homeschooling because our kids have the freedom to pursue soul-satisfying success. If we let it, homeschooling engenders a whole new attitude about accomplishment. In school, kids' learning is timed, measured, graded. Even in team sports and dance classes, parents pull kids out or discourage them from participation when they don't make the cut or get the part they want. Homeschooling, we may discover our children want to be great at something no one cares about and no one will see. Mostly, there aren't other adults or kid peer groups to impress OR disappoint. There isn't a timer or schedule that dictates we move on before we want to. We can opt out of agendas that dictate how much and what our kids know by when. We can let them listen to their own hearts and find those things they wish to be great at, and be at peace with other things that don't speak to their souls. In my experience, doing so brings great satisfaction in parenting. That feeling becomes what measures accomplishment, instead of what I can list about my kifs or hold up and show off. And it's a good-for-the-soul feeling too!
A few weeks back I dreamed I was performing a lead in some ballet. The performance had gone well and I was in my dressing room preparing to leave the theater as I listened to the last strains of the music. Suddenly it occurred to me that I'd forgotten to perform the coda - the last piece after a pas de deaux and solo. Though I rushed to the stage, I'd already removed my costume and make-up and there was no way I was making it back to finish what I'd left undone.
It's not unlikely that I dreamed this because I did, in fact, forget to appear for a finale in one performance. Thankfully, I was NOT dancing a leading role at that time. But the panic as I realized my mistake was real, and apparently lives on in my subconscious.
What happened next in my dream was instructive. The ballet was over. My bosses came on to the stage and I was officially in big trouble. Though I realized they had forgotten to teach me the ending to the ballet, I was the no-show performer who had let the audience down, and they were taking the part from me. I might have fought with them, or blamed them for their oversight. I might have lashed out at other dancers, who were standing gloating in the wings, for not reminding me and letting me prepare to leave. Instead, as the theater cleared, I labored to learn and perfect what I had never learned and what I would now never perform. Though my dream performance was done, though my dream role had been taken from me, I still wanted to finish it all, as well as I could. For my own sake. For my own inner peace. I realized when I woke up and processed the dream, that the determination I felt at the end was all about soul-satisfying success.
Soul-satisfying success is self-defined. It may not be to great heights. It isn't about a crowd or approval. It's about not giving up 'til we've done something as well as we care to do it, just for the satisfaction of knowing we can. We can pursue soul-satisfying success in all sorts of endeavors. More recently than ballet, I struck out at every at-bat I had filling in for a better player at a local soft-ball game. My team won anyway, but my satisfaction didn't come 'til I'd gone home after the game and drilled hitting til I could hit the ball. Winning didn't do it for me. Connecting with the ball, even after the moment to do any good for the team had passed, did.
I love homeschooling because our kids have the freedom to pursue soul-satisfying success. If we let it, homeschooling engenders a whole new attitude about accomplishment. In school, kids' learning is timed, measured, graded. Even in team sports and dance classes, parents pull kids out or discourage them from participation when they don't make the cut or get the part they want. Homeschooling, we may discover our children want to be great at something no one cares about and no one will see. Mostly, there aren't other adults or kid peer groups to impress OR disappoint. There isn't a timer or schedule that dictates we move on before we want to. We can opt out of agendas that dictate how much and what our kids know by when. We can let them listen to their own hearts and find those things they wish to be great at, and be at peace with other things that don't speak to their souls. In my experience, doing so brings great satisfaction in parenting. That feeling becomes what measures accomplishment, instead of what I can list about my kifs or hold up and show off. And it's a good-for-the-soul feeling too!
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